Back
to Channel Five news. “Our main story tonight: deadly killer strikes again,
claiming another victim last night. Police say the man, 32 year old Calvin
Trank, was found floating in a small creek behind his apartment on the east
side of town, genitals mutilated and removed…”
Flip. “A new study indicates suicide
rates are skyrocketing in America, especially among veterans, and now is the
number one cause of death by injury…”
Well that was certainly
disheartening. What on earth was happening to people? Jeffrey could hardly make
sense of all this craziness. He pushed a button and landed on more news. News, news, news, he thought. I’m ashamed to be a part of this. Hell, I’m
almost ashamed to live in this country anymore.
Almost.
“A local middle school teacher was
arrested this afternoon on charges of exposing himself to his students in the
middle of class. Sources tell us Mr. Michael McKenzie pulled down his pants and
was wearing, quote, ‘A bright red thong.’ The district superintendent could not
be reached for comment.”
Switch.
“Today police raided a known meth
lab in a downtown neighborhood…”
Jeffrey pushed his tray away from
him and stuck one finger in his ear, then ran a hand through his thinning brown
hair. Dandruff fell like snow from his scalp and dotted his black button-up
shirt. He got up to throw away his empty tray, the trash can in the kitchen
overflowing with refuse. Two flies landed on an empty beer bottle and promptly
shit on it.
Switch.
A music video was playing. A large
pair of voluptuous tits bounced on the screen, liquor pouring down them in
slow-motion. Disgusting.
Flip.
“…and the authorities have no known
suspects at this time.
Flip.
“Two students walked in and opened
fire this morning with a 12-gauge shotgun, killing five people and wounding…”
Jeffrey stopped. “Well that is
awful!” he declared. He felt sorry for all the dead students. He changed the
channel again.
“Another baby was found in a dumpster
this afternoon; authorities were called after…”
He banged his fist on the dinner
tray. “This is a disaster!” he bellowed. He felt sorry for the dead baby.
Flip.
Glenn Beck.
“This is a fucking outrage!” he
screamed. He felt sorry for everyone.
Jeffrey stood up and turned off the
television. It was like this every evening. He could only take so much. I need a sandwich, he decided.
Jeffrey walked into the kitchen and
opened the refrigerator, the bright glow illuminating a series of dismembered
penises dangling from hooks, which he brushed aside, and grabbed the
mayonnaise. He really did feel sorry for everyone.
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