Some of Which Should Probably Be Removed

Take one.
Transcribed verbatim from Kevin Nix's Facebook page, December 27, 2011:

As the year draws to a close, looking back I can say with no hyperbole that 2011 was the hardest, most challenging, and most rewarding year of my entire life. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

One of the interesting things about becoming an adult and getting older is that you're always learning something new about becoming an adult and getting older. Here's one: no matter how bad you think things can get, they can always get worse.
2011 was, indeed, a challenging year. I had some of the lowest lows and the highest highs. I plumbed the darkest depths of depression and made one of the most difficult decisions of my post-high school career.
The Summer of 2012 made 2011 seem like a cakewalk.

Take two.
I've been gone awhile. I had to take some time off because I got really sad. Three days in an inpatient psych ward, one visit by the police, countless nights spent up with friends worrying, approximately one pint of tears, one scar, two incredibly frightening phone calls, several burned bridges, several cartons of cigarettes, and a new daily regiment of 300 milligrams of bupropion a day later, I can say that I'm feeling a little bit better.

Take three.
Okay, so maybe I wasn't completely serious going in, and maybe I botched the execution horribly, but you can go fuck yourself if you think I didn't at least think I knew what I was doing at the time. I got scared. You would too. It's fucking scary. It's like a separate, ethereal, intangible entity that can enter and exit you at will, often with very little warning. It is highly resilient. It is both yourself and detached. It is both your mind and someone else's. You have to learn how to fight it. You have to learn to recognize the signs and brace yourself. You have to be strong. You have to pick yourself up after being defeated; over, and over, and over, and over. You do not get to quit. You have to do whatever it takes to defend yourself against it.
You have to do these things, or it will kill you.
There are steps. There is a process. There are options. You can choose to buy into them or you can choose to go it alone. Except you were going it alone the whole time and where did that get you? Think again. Go back, re-evaluate. Maybe this will work.
Recognize your strengths. Set goals: daily, short-term, long-term. Take inventory. Learn to control your breathing. Keep a journal. Take your medicine. Keep cards with names, lists, and phone numbers in your wallet. Don't try to go it alone. Remember not to always trust what your mind is telling you. Relax. Remember that the world is not going to work with you. Prepare for the unexpected.

Take four.
If I were an addict, he'd be my heroin. There he is, coming towards me. Beeline. Quick, turn around. Puff on that cigarette. Harder. Inhale. Hold it in. Let it out. Glance back, but the words are already escaping his lips and they're directed towards me. My head swims, vision goes blurry. Was that him or the nicotine? Nevermind, this is actually happening. Focus. The wind is blowing hard. It's hard to hear. Ask him to repeat that. Frown. I try pretending that he isn't shattering the almost zen-like focus I'd built for myself as a survival mechanism over the past three weeks. Wait. Oh shit, I can feel it. My feet are floating towards him unconsciously. I didn't command myself to do this. Fuck you, brain. Cooperate. He's speaking now. Real words, he's real and he's here and he's in front of me oh jesus christ he's smiling now wait no please don't apologize it's my fault i'll never do it again i promise oh please god don't be mad at me
That was it, I can feel it now. He's flowing into my veins. Oh come on, I thought I was over this. This goes against everything I've been working on. No, I don't mind that you're a mess. Hey I'm a mess too. Let's be a mess together.

Take five.
Okay, so that was a little melodramatic. See? That's how easy it is. To fall back, I mean. To lose progress. Slide backwards. But I can choose not to think like that. They taught me that. I may not be able to control my environment or what happens to me, but I can choose how to react to it. I can train myself to treat love like a gift instead of a disease. It does not have to cripple me. Make it something healthy. Learn the signs. Learn how to anticipate and react. The process works if you believe it can. Not everyone believes it will. Don't listen to them. Your normal cognitive patterns are what brought you here in the first place. That's why we're fundamentally altering them. We're going to make you better.

Take six.
It's good to be back. I've had a lot of support along the way. No one gets this far without it. You know who you are. You know you are loved and appreciated. I could go on, but some things really are better kept to myself. Let's get creative again.